I’ve lost my patience.
Well, admittedly, I am not a patient person. My mind is usually going a mile a minute from my probably undiagnosed ADD, and more possible, my creative mind, which I am sure you can relate to, so I want to rush through conversations and experiences. But what I have noticed since getting rid of my Alien Baby and going through that experience, is I lost my tolerance, which I think in this case is a good thing.
Ever the people-pleaser, I would say I’m sorry when someone else was being a jerk, or even give them excuses and compassion because I could intuit what was happening in their lives.
“Oh, they are having a really hard time with their job..or at home…it’s okay that they were just incredibly bitchy to me.” Um…no.
“That person is angry at someone else before me and things aren’t going well, so it’s okay that they just bit my head off.” Again…no.
That mechanism that did that kind of reasoning has been shut off and I can’t even find the switch to put it back on. I just have no tolerance for it. I am sorry you are having a bad day but that gives you no excuse to be nasty to me as I walk by you or breathe in your air. I’m not your garbage can.
I have no tolerance for business things that don’t have an equal exchange. In the last month I gave up (through an enormous amount of clearing and healing, mind you) that “thing” where I give out 110% and get back about 30%. And now, I can sense or pick up that pattern about a million miles away when it is happening or going to happen again. I get a whiff of that and I don’t make excuses, I just quietly walk away.
No, I will not illustrate your book for free, work extra volunteer hours for nothing, teach a class for one person, etc. etc.
“But Ronni, you might be able to get this or that from this experience.” Um, no, sorry, I can smell it and it doesn’t smell good. You will gain more and it is not my responsibility to take care of you.
My tolerance level is gone for experiences that force me or ask of me to stifle my creativity because for YEARS I was asked to do that and put everyone else first. Creative people can not stifle that flow or they are guaranteed to get sick in some way. That energy has to go somewhere. I am one of those folks who can wake up in the morning with at least four ideas floating around and if I stifle it myself because of fear of what will happen if someone doesn’t buy my stuff, I will get depressed and it will be easy search what is causing it. You have to make your stuff and let it flow through because it is your job to do so.
Just watched the new Cinderella and concluded that, no, she was not on Valium and that’s why she tolerated so much abuse, although that stuff is pretty darn good, but because she was a “nice”person who saw where folks were coming from, like I did. She saw the good in the situation even though she basically was wearing the same dress throughout most the movie, and lived with mice in an attic (they were cute animated mice with big ears, so that is cool). I was so happy to see (spoiler alert) her make the shift by the end of the movie to walking away and not tolerating the behavior anymore. Yay Cinderella! (Little clue, Girl, that you are putting up with bad treatment, is you call yourself the bad nickname they have for you. No bueno.)
Basically, tolerance is good when we are accepting a loved one’s quirky behavior that might be a little annoying, or need to be patient with children, or even with our own shortcomings, but not when you are leaving yourself behind. My hope for you is that the switch goes down also and you feel freedom to take care of yourself.